Always in pursuit of something, that’s my state of mind.

(My semi-unpopular opinion about marriage, religion, et. al.)

A few blogs ago, I have an entry that discusses what I want my marriage to be like but it failed to give the deeper perspective as to where I’m coming from in this matter.

Unlike other Catholics, I wasn’t raised to be a devout catholic. My being religious stopped when I transferred to a non-sectarian high school. And studying in UP opened my eyes to the possibilities of being an agnostic. I am only a catholic when I fill out forms.

I believe in a God; the presence of something greater than all of us; to whom I feel I should be grateful for my existence and for each day that happens to me; to whom I owe the explanation of Love, Justice, Peace, Equality and generally being Good.

What I do not believe in is a religion that discriminates against other religion. What ticks me are those devotees who discriminate against devotees of other religion. It really irritates me when religious leaders use their influence to sway their followers to vote a certain way; when religious leaders try to influence the government by issuing some certain statement; when religious leaders don’t allow a woman to have the option of family planning; when they discriminate against gay people; when they boast of being good but they themselves become corrupt.

I’m not saying that all religious people are hypocrites but some are.

To me, believing in God is separate from having a religion.

This lengthy discourse is only to give one reason why I don’t dream of walking down the isle.

Last week while I was away for a raket, Josua texted that he has a surprise for me so I should hurry home. Since he was still recovering from flu, I thought twice about the fact that he must have finished the table I’ve been asking him to do. Also, since it’s not within our budget, he wouldn’t buy me the bike I want. So I was lost for anything that he might get for me without much effort and expenses.

When I arrived, he dragged me to the upstairs terrace; where at the very corner was this little tiny kitten that looked exactly like our Silim from Boracay.

I was instantly teary-eyed. I so miss Silim. He was the sweetest little thing I’ve ever known and leaving him behind was difficult.

Now, I’m to get to know this new Silim, wish that he’d be as sweet.

We were getting to know each other smoothly, when an issue suddenly came into view. Our new Silim is a girl. A fact that we have made clear about owning a cat – to make sure that it’s a boy such that it won’t propagate. We’re keeping her anyway, but Josua’s renamed her Selena, but I still opt to call her Silim.   

It’s probably my most memorable Easter Sunday, having spent the entire day with the person I maybe spending the rest of my life with.

It started out quite the same as any other day… I went to his house early in the morning and shared our morning coffee together. I brought with me a bunch of singkamas (water chestnuts, not sure of the translation) for snacks throughout the day. I was set on having a fairly normal day since our planned trip to the nearby mall was cancelled. There were still some workers who needed to finish up some work in preparation for the next delivery and a buyer was going to drop by to pick up some supplies.

I’ve always wanted to go to the mall and watch a movie with Josua (there was no movie house in Bora), so to sort of make up for that we just went to the town for a little bit of Ukay-ukay shopping and some fastfood burger (something Josua and I crave for all the time when we were stuck in the island).

This little trip added the spice to our day… it almost didn’t happen. As we were about to leave the house he failed to hinge the gate which I reminded him to do, it was a little past 1 and it’s a hot summer day, out of laziness, he argued that it wouldn’t matter if he hinges it or not since our adopted dog Brownie was around. We had walked about 30 steps out of the gate when I just realized that he was just being lazy thus the lengthy argument from him. I said if I could reach the hinge from the outside I would have done it myself. He argued on so I decided to just sit like a frog under the hot sun until he went back and hinged the gate. It didn’t end there because when he got back I was still sour faced because I remember he told me as he was pulling me up that I need to lose weight (which I know I have to, but he didn’t have to tell me every single time.) So I sort of pointed that out but he denies saying what he said and turned everything back to me by saying that I always make a fuss whenever he plans something. As we rode the public little bus heading to town, my fussy mode hasn’t still been pacified. But that entire scene on street was erased by a simple surprise tickle on my thigh.

When we got back, we had coffee. Later on we went through the trash of different kinds of wood to find the nice ones that he hid for some needed furniture in the house. As we were doing this, he said: Baka naman I-blog mo pa to? (You’ll prolly blog this, noh?) I replied: Malamang. (Most likely.) And I’ll entitle it “my boyfriend is better than superman, he’s a handyman.

So we set out to finish the shoe rack that he’s started. (Although I was hoping, we’d start on the table I just designed that morning.) I did the measuring, he did the sawing and the nailing. We were enjoying that moment. Laughing. Being around each other. Doing things together. I was talking a lot and he was listening while we were busy doing things. Half-way through this, my mom arrived with a sack of my request – freshly harvested oysters and with that she brought green mangoes as the side dish for the oysters. Yum yum!

So as Josua was doing his carpentry I was waiting for the water to boil while I was grating the mangoes, cutting up some onions to go with it. Josua set the table outside, under the moonlit sky. With a pot of rice, my mango dip and Josua’s vinegar dip (which he didn’t touch much after tasting the mango dip). And in the tradition of eating oysters in our family, no one will open the shell for you, so eat as much as you can dare open.

So in between cracking oysters shells open and eating them, I looked up and saw the perfect sky. (This may be too cheesy or too gross for others to digest) Then I looked into Josua’s eyes and called him and told him that I love him very much. Still masticating on oysters, grated mangos and rice in our mouths, I bent forward to kiss him. And as I’ve warned of this cheesiness or grossness, I just want to point out that there’s nothing better than having someone who loves you, except for being able to say I love you, and hearing it being said back. It didn’t even worried me that it was probably an unsightly moment with my left hand dirty from the oyster shells, my right hand still filled with mango bits and rice.

In lieu of the most recent and most extravagant wedding I’ve attended.

When a woman of age with a fiancé attends a wedding, she can’t help but wonder about her own – the possibilities… what she would and wouldn’t do if it was her who is about to walk down the isle (If she even dreams of walking down the isle).

In my dreams as a little girl, I’ve always pictured myself as a doting mother and a loving wife, but never can I remember imagining being a bride. Maybe that was a sign of my future take on this happy and sad occasion.

I don’t like to:
- Get married in the church. 
- Don an uber expensive gown I’ll only wear once.
- Plaster a smile for that long.
- Walk down an isle with all the eyes staring at you.
- Spend more than a thousand pesos for a cake you can’t eat.
- Spend more than a thousand pesos for flowers that will not last forever.

This probably is the practical side of my mom that I have inherited. My parents were wed by some government official so when I told my mom about me only wanting a civil wedding – she didn’t mind. THANK GOD!!!

I love my boyfriend. And I think I have found my partner in life. He loves me no matter how insane I get. Our major issue now is the when of the wedding. I have already convinced him of what I want:

1. We will have a civil wedding officiated by someone we trust.
2. I will not wear a gown worth more than 5 thousand. I may not even have to wear a gown.
3. The only witnesses will be our immediate family and the very few sponsors that we will have.
4. Our friends and other relatives will only have to go to the following celebratory dinner.
5. We will have a nice intimate wedding dinner party somewhere outdoors where I can enjoy a meal with the company of people who matter in our lives.
6. I don’t want the cutting cake thing but I want to have a cake - Different cakes from Bizu that everyone will enjoy.
7. Our friends will render happy songs of love.
8. If there is singing (maybe some videoke on the side), there should be dancing, and of course a lot of drinking.
9. There may or may not be a video documentary about us.
10. We will hire an events photographer (non-wedding rate, the power of multiply).
11. We will have a lot of disposable cameras for everyone to use to take pictures of anything and everything.
12. We will spend a weeklong honeymoon somewhere relaxing. 

i’ll just add to the list as the details get finalized

After nine months of living the beach life in Boracay, I’m headed back to Manila. To say that I enjoyed my life in Boracay is an understatement. I experienced everything I could in that short nine months. Although I have not informed blogged often recently still whoever reads me is updated with the eventualities of my stay here on the island.

Here’s a few things to thank for:
1. The FRIENDSHIPS!!!   
- Jensen, my Bora Soul Sistah! (‘nuff said)
- Julia, at first is just a sister, then later on have become an adopted daughter…
- The Gonzales family – Tata and Wowie, the ever talkative Alexa and my godson Luis.
- Jingjing of Villa Camilla, to whom I learned the real meaning of being true to oneself; for the free wifi access; and for introducing my to Sonja
- Sonja, Alex and Ebith for giving me my SinagTala
- Clair and Matt, my only real friends in the foreign category (heheh, well, they always know what I’m up to. I trust them.)
- The del Mar girls – Mel, Cristy, Anne, April, Maricel… for the glorious Mai Tai, which kept me wasted my first few months on the island.
- The Charles’ Bar peeps especially Bong for those memorable nights
- Craft’s for the initial reason to stay longer

2. The sunsets
3. Cocomangas main road
4. The Public Utility Motorbikes
5. The Bulabog Heartbreak for the strength
6. Mel’s Mansion for the door that needed fixing
7. Learning the words: “pabakal, pila, umang, maoy, at kawing”
8. That brief period when I was able to call myself sexy…
9. TakipSilim- my lovely kitty… whose cuteness will always be remembered. Tata and
    her family will take care of you for me.
10. And lastly, Josua… for the love.

Tala will be my first puppy/dog as an adult. Our family used to have a lot of dogs in the household mostly the regular Philippine breed.

I remember Achu, our big furry brown Pinoy dog, which scared the hell out of all our neighbors. It’s very sweet actually but very protective that’s why it is usually tied to the terrace. Once you let it go, it usually runs to the beach for a bath. My brother, kuya Leihson, is usually the one who catches him. Achu died of old age.

I think one of the pets my parents really loved was Acha, the white slender bitch who used to sleep in my parent’s bedroom and mostly stayed indoors. (I think it was Acha who gave birth to several pups at one time and I had the childish idea of buying balloons and celebrating their birth.) Acha, however, was so sedentary that one time it got out of the house, ate something funny, got its stomach upset and died soon after.

We briefly had a German Shepherd and a Japanese Spitz. The German Shepherd (I forgot it’s name), which kuya Leihson also tended to, had Polio at a very young age, as much as it’s a pride dog it mostly stayed at the back of the house – I guess cause it felt less proud of it’s weak hind legs. The Spitz didn’t last very long, as well, but I remember carrying it around in a basket with a feeding bottle when it was just a pup.

The very last and most cherished dog our family had, which my Dad loved so much, was Bencio. It was a short-legged brown fluffy little baby. It was loyal to most of us, but it’s master was my Dad. It used to go with my Dad to the fields to run around and possibly shag the ugly bitch that lived with the fish. Whenever it’s left at home, it usually just stays beside whoever was left with it. I used to make him my footstool while I watch TV. He’s sweet that way, however, if he hears the sound of my Dad’s battered jeepney approaching, it will bark like crazy, wag it’s tail like mad and jump till you open the door to welcome my Dad’s arrival. I guess it wasn’t good that we moved to another house by the highway. One day, while Bencio was in such frenzy over my Dad’s arrival, he became just another road kill. Bencio’s death got my Dad so depressed that we never had another one after him.  I was away in College when that happened…

I used to prod my parent’s to get another dog. But my mom would shut me out by saying “kukuha na naman tayo ng aso, eh sino naman ba mahihirapan sa pag-aalaga, eh di ako, tsaka may mga bata tayo ditto sa bahay” (“We’ll get another dog, well, who do you think would be left to take care of it? It’ll be me again. Plus, we have children [referring to my nephews Polo and Nathan] in the house now) What my mom said was partly true, I think the bigger reason, though, is that after Bencio, they just couldn’t bear the pain of losing a loved one.

On a happy note…

More than 2 months ago, I met Sonia, a German mom who owned a dive shop on the island. I met her through Jing-jing while we were walking her two dogs – Shao hey and Poknat. Sonia was with Alex, her little boy, and Ebith – Poknat’s mom. That time Ebith was already pregnant and Sonia where looking for parents that would like to adopt Ebith’s pups which were due November. I hastily volunteered. I really wanted a constant companion which I shall shower with all my love to give.

About 3 weeks ago, Ebith gave birth to 5 tiny babies. Sonia wasn’t there when I first visited the pups so I wasn’t sure if I am still a candidate to be a mom to one of them. One of them little babes got me so attracted to it from the onset. It’s mostly brown with a white spot in the back. I couldn’t go near it yet, as Ebith was being very protective. I was hoping it would be male because I prefer my dog to be male as female dogs tend to loose their beauty when they give birth (sagging breasts and all). When I was asked to come by and pick, Sonia wasn’t at her house again so I just pointed the one I wanted – the one with the spot on the nape.

A few days after I passed by again, and luckily Sonia was home and could check the babies… She called my choice — Diamond girl. So it’s a bitch!!! But I have fallen in love with it. Who the hell cares if it looses its figure when it gives birth…

I still have about a month more before I could bring my baby home – once it starts feeding by itself.

As an expecting parent, I had to think of names. Josua and I was going for a walk one afternoon. I wanted a name that would remind me of Boracay, but I didn’t want it to be named blatantly Boracay. I didn’t like Diamond because it was very English. Plus, the spot on its nape isn’t perfectly shaped like a diamond it was more like a star glowing on a clear night with no clear lines. Star - thus, the name Tala, perfect!

P.S.

When Josua gets a cat, he’ll name it Sinag. Our babies will be Sinag and Tala. — Starlight.

Bayawak – a relative of the gecko and/or the komodo dragon, locals say they taste like chicken

I think there’s only two reasons why someone who’s been very active with blogging has not been putting any new entry for the past month:

1) Nothing eventful has happened in the past month
2) There’s just too many things happening that the blogger has no idea where to begin

Really dunno why I haven’t been blogging… makes you wonder.

Boracay during the rainy season can be a bit dull but it’s never dead, a lot of people just choose to stay in rather than get drenched. It has been raining for almost a month and I have chosen to stay in. In that regard, nothing blog-worthy has happened… maybe.

If some of us choose to stay in, there are certain things that creep out of their hiding places during these wet days:

First was a clawed-mountain crab of sorts, which intended to go inside the house. If I didn’t think it came out of the sewers it would have been a pleasant dinner. But since it’s been raining, no one never knows where these things come from, so I immediately protested when the idea of eating it was suggested. On the same night and in almost no time, an hermit crab knocked on the door. 

Then there was a tiger looking fly infestation. There was enough flies in the apartment to lift a dead rat off the ground.

My next visitor was huge black spider with ultra long legs by the living room window, I was so scared but mister Joshua was kind enough to exterminate it for me.

The following morning, I was just sitting on the bed watching DVD. I would not be bothered by any sort of commotion, which may be happening above the basement. Not until, two men I sort of recognize are by my bedroom window tapping on the window and seemingly trying to catch something. I run to the door just enough to catch a glimpse of an iguana/crocodile looking thing held by the tail and the mouth. Apparently my neighbor, Chrissie, a very tall German woman, saw her two dogs chase after this bayawak making a run for the stairs heading down our basement. She then calls for help. Good thing, Wowie and Ryan, two of my neighbors where just hanging outside their house. And it’s also a good thing that I decided to close our main door when I went to the bedroom.

That shook me. From then on, I made a rule never to leave the main door open.

Still shaken, that night as I went up to the bathroom to pee, without looking I switched the light on. As I was about to zip my shorts I looked up and saw another spider just below the light switch. What was creepy about this particular spider, may she rest in peace, was not just it’s above average size but this white something underneath it’s beige skin (which I can only assume to be eggs). I shrieked for help and called out to Joshua. 

Another one bites the dust.

p.s. I have unknowingly eaten bayawak back in high school. And from what I remember, they tasted better than chicken.

p.p.s. The bayawak is now my neighbor’s not-so-cute pet.

Blogging to the tune of Bless the Broken Road
interpreted by Carrie Underwood for AI4

In the span of four months I have fallen in love with a British guy; gotten my hopes up for a Welsh man; was told by another British guy that he likes me and he likes me a lot; was indecently proposed to by an Australian Aborigine; and now have fallen yet again…

Friends, I have been very busy and sick the past three weeks. Busy with my new amore. An amore who I wish will be mine forever. I don’t know where to begin my story or which part of that story would be interesting enough for you guys to enjoy. What I can say is that I have not been happier and more satisfied in my love life before this day.

Joshua is Pinoy. I met him through Winnie, Project Manager for Consunji’s 7 Stones project here in Boracay. He said he’s been interested to meet me way before when his ex-girlfriend’s mom, Aday, my headache of a staff at the salon, would be telling bad stuff about me to him. He is an electrician for construction works. (Yes, Adrian, construe) And he isn’t bad looking either, as my friend, Jing-jing, said “In fairness, may itsura.” His family’s roots are from Boracay but he grew up in Manila. He was a Political Science Scholar at the Adamson University, unfortunately financial situations didn’t permit him to finish his course. Now he does contracting in small construction works for different individuals and establishments and mainly does electrical jobs.

During the first few weeks of our courtship, I told him that he should be careful not to fall in love with me because I’m nuts and I’m broken. He didn’t say anything nor did he try to fix me but he stayed with me during the craziest moments of my Boracay love song. Until one Saturday night, as I was telling my friend, Louella, about my Pinoy suitor, she told me “You should tell him not to see you anymore, if you really don’t want him.”

And true, I was just being selfish as I kept him near while I go around flirting with different flirtables. But Louella’s words hit me like lightning: I do want him already. I guess it was the attention he showered me; the fruits he brought for me; his quick responses to my texts; his patience to withstand my crazies; him.

My brain is telling me not to follow my heart; that once again my heart is making me think and do crazy things. However, this could be my one great love. No one knows the road ahead, anyway. I’d rather thread the unknown holding hands with the man who may love me more than I can ever love him back.

Lesson learned: Nobody loves like a Pinoy man.

I think that’s what I miss most in Manila. As much as I have loads of friends and relatives that may keep me company at any given time. In Manila, I can be just one of them faces that fade in the background. Nobody can really know what you’re doing unless you tell them.

In Boracay, everybody knows everybody else’s business!!! GRRRRRRR!!! Even at your most private moments. OHHH sooohhhh hate it!

I had the sheer misfortune of finding this out the hard way. SUCKS!

1. You bump into people in weird places.
2. I’m neighbors with a white officemate who hardly smiles.
3. The caring Nanay who owns the carenderia always knows my mood for the day.
4. You never know who knows what you’ve done. People I hardly know, people I JUST met are knowledgeable of my previous liaison(s).
5. I was having a terrible day yesterday. And as usual I made Raz call me but the phone I was using would turn off so often that I had to borrow a phone and stay stuck by the outlet of this small crepe place. For some reason, someone saw me upset, and by that afternoon, a friend of mine already told me that I’ve been upset that morning.
6. You find out about other people’s business without even asking.
7. Every single Filipina who has married a white guy thinks you’re the enemy.
8. You’d think that since it’s an island populated by westerners, people would be more liberated and wouldn’t care less about other’s going ons but NO, that’s bull crap.
9. Faking emotions and keeping things hush-hush is common practice. 
10. The end all and be all, you have to be more careful with living your life.

An ode to those 3-grueling-yet-most-amazing-weeks of my entire college life. I think it was when I took my first baby steps towards adulthood. (or possibly towards being an adventurous and open-minded alcoholic)

BROAD ASS BATCH NinetyEight

Ayalin, Adrian Mangaoang

Carballo, Mark Anthony Adamos

Castillo, Marian de Guzman

Clerigo, Angelico Berses

Cordero, Forsyth Nunez

de la Torre, Raz Sobida

Dizon, Lea Wynetta Canlas

Estrada, Regina Hostalero

Gahol, Carlo Roman Lopez

Laurel-Guba, Melissa Jane Tarroja

Mosatalla, Joni Colinares

Rimando, Mary Grace Dalope

Talactac, Sherlyn Perez

When I entered the College of Mass Communication on the 2nd semester of my second year at the University of the Philippines, I was greeted by a hazing looking thing of sorts for a college organization’s application. Some people donned costumes in the college. I said right away that I’ll never find myself in that situation. I don’t need no organization to survive college, much less some sorority of sorts.

Until that semester rolled by and I was on my 3rd year… A group of bright-eyed college girls and boys with wide-toothed smiles plastered on their faces went inside my Journ101 class to invite us to an orientation with free food. It was really just the free food that enticed me, (heheh)

But then a classmate of mine, Sinta, told me that she’s interested in applying in Broad Ass (short for UP-CMC Broadcasting Association) and she sort of nudged me to join as well. And I’ve always been a supportive friend (Right, Diane? After you left me with the JMAers?) .

That’s when the ball started rolling. Needless to say, I finished these 3 grueling weeks with 12 other individuals. Costume donned I was for 1 week, trying to generate money on the 2nd week, by the 3rd week, I’ve lost 10 lbs and I’ve cried more than I have before then.

More than the days spent at the veranda being made to do everything humanely or inhumanely possible in the face of Plaridel Hall, there were those moments shared with 12 other significant people in my life.

Cramped in a 1-bedroom condo unit, 5 minutes away from UP (without traffic), all 13 of us would sleep on any available space.

Our batch is possibly the most well documented batch of our time. We would have 3 separate film cameras clicking at once, Sir Alvin or Sir Kidlat would be shooting us on video. And for me the best of it is when we’d shoot each other during those moments when we were just by ourselves. Other than that we had scheduled studio shoots.

I just finished watching “The Snail Diaries” an edited video of the collected footage and pictures of our batch, which Raz, our Batch Rep made. And I always get teary eyed and laughing so hard every time I watch it. I laugh at everyone’s booboos, that insane (MJ infested) reunion we had at Raz’s house in Lipa, the ride heading home, the finals, everything. And I think I shed a tear every time I laugh at those memories (of youth).

***To you my dear Mistahs,

All 13 of us are now threading different directions in our lives. Congregating has always been difficult for us, that is why we’ve only aimed to reach a quorum. It’s sad that I can’t be part of that quorum for this year’s anniversary. We never really had a yearly celebration but I wish you guys, who could see each other there in Manila, would meet up. And as I am infamous for saying “Happy 7th anniversary it only happens ONCE.”

I think we’ve said all the cheesy stuff, we could, to each other over the years. So I won’t say anymore but just always remember that you guys are missed and that the next time I’m back there, a NinetyEight thing should be set.

Love you, batchmates, Mistahs!!!